This thing is old.. Shall we open it?
Cough cough..
Ahem, you can see my stories of wisdom here. (PRESS CTRL+F TO FIND A CHAPTER!)
1. The Lost Penguin
1.1 The Lost Penguin Chapter One
1.2 The Lost Penguin Chapter Two
1.3 The Lost Penguin Chapter Three
1.4 The Lost Penguin Chapter Four
1.5 Alien’s Survival Guide
1. THE LOST PENGUIN
1.1 Chapter One
Gone were the days of the glory..
Gone were the days of power..
Gone were the days of- Oh, hello!
There was a penguin called.. well.. err.. We don’t really know, so we’ll name him- “HEY! I’M FLIPPERS, AND YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME!” shouted a little penguin sitting on a rock. “WE’RE IN THE WILD WEST, SEE THAT CARRIAGE OVER THERE? I HAVE MY REVOLVER, AN’ I’M GONNA ROB IT!”
Well, uh- “LISTEN! FOLLOW ME, WRITER!”
The penguin was thinking of running, but he was a penguin, so he could only waddle. And, he waddled.
“THAT’S WHY I CAN NEVER GET TO THE DANG CARRIAGES! I’M TOO SLOW!” squalked the penguin, as the carriage busted into the town of “Cactus”.
And so, he waddled away from the rock, and got out a hammer.
SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A LOUD BANG IN THE BANK OF “Cactus”!
Three bandit racoons ran out of the frizzled bank. The penguin took one look at the moneybag they were holding, then swooned. Dozens of townpeople, mostly lizards, and beavers. They were angry. Pitchforkes flew, torches swished, and mainly, there was another loud bang.
When the penguin got up, just to be trampled by twenty-two folk, he noticed his hammer was gone. One of the racoons was banging against the “Replacement Bank Of Cactus”. The other one said: “HURRY, DYNAMITE!” And that is when the penguin rushed to the racoons and did seventy-two slaps on them. A good deed! Then, he took the money. “QUICK, GET THIS, WRITER!” And he swang the moneybag out of the storybook. And this is only the start of the dreams becoming true..
1.2 Chapter Two
The penguin woke up, in some strange land, it seemed to be a library… He squeezed out of the book, and he noticed he was a penguin made on paper! He ripped himself from the page, and noticed this was a place from his dreams. “Oh no.. Writer can’t help me here..” he squeaked. He jumped down from the shelf, and looked around. Exactly. The place he had in a dream.. He ran (Not waddled!) across the carpet, and saw giant tables, chairs, and more things.. The library was empty. He eventually got to the exit of the library, and when he ran out, he smashed into an invisible barrier. “Owwowwwhuuuuh??” moaned the penguin. He ran around for a while, then noticed more paper, with a PENCIL! “Ooh!” he said, in delight. “I can use that!” He looked at a pile of books, then thought: “I can use those!” He jumped up onto the books, bang onto the coffee table, with the pencil. “YES!!” he announced. The penguin grabbed the pencil, and drew some rocket boots on his feet, and a pencil in his hand. Now he has a pencil for everywhere! He lobbed the big pencil away, then rocketed out the window. Funny, there’s no barrier there. He was now outside. Alone. In danger. A piece of paper.. It was windy. Thank you, Sod’s Law. The penguin was blown away, smack onto a tree. “Oof!” he growled. He jumped off the tree, but got blown away AGAIN.. “Oh.. no.. Must.. get back..” The wind slashed him, and he was scared. Strangely, there was a tree that grew books. “This can’t be real- OH NO!!!” And he went smack into one of them..
1.3 Chapter Three
Why? Just why did he have to be in a book about killing penguins? There were loads of poachers everywhere! The penguin ran beside an igloo, and thought: “I must get back to my book..”
He quietly waddled away, but a poacher heard the steps. “PENGUIN!” he shouted, and reached for his shotgun. The penguin had a gun of his own, and so he got his revolver out. Another poacher turned on some wild west music. The penguin fired a round of the revolver, but the man ate it. This was his que to RUN, I THINK. And, he ran. Very fast. Faster then a cheetah. And the poacher was dazzled, not knowing what the HECK happened. The other poachers looked at eachother, and said “..What?”
5 seconds later, the penguin had eleven poachers on his trail. This won’t be a dandy story.
1.4 Chapter Four
To be continued.
1.5 THE ALIEN’S SURVIVAL GUIDE
Glorp feta mun pe
(Welcome to my book.)
Bamb pe ut ert alien
(This book is all about humans.)
Ret hye mun die cay
(And how to survive them.)
1 uio wea sh0t
(One. Get your gun.)
